[SEMI-OUTDATED] Star Power Doesn't Work!

Self Development Wagon #6: Star Power Doesn't Work! (But Friendship Does!)

Note 1: There are still typos/grammar errors/missing words since I had to upload this for the reading. If you find one, point it out so I can fix it more quickly when I have time to edit.

Note 2: If you receive any strange PMs regarding this particular SDW, report it to WSW staff ASAP. The safety of the Walfas/Touhou community depends on it.

Disclaimer: The following will not automatically make you better at gaining friendships or feeling more appreciated for your projects. First, you must remember this material, then understand how it works and why you do it, then practice it until you get good at it. It is one thing to know, but it is another to actually do.

Table of Contents:
I. Intro - Be Careful What You Wish For
II. Why Being Famous Won't Help (And Might Hurt)
III. Why Friendship is More Important
IV. Why Making Yourself Happy Is More Important Than Fame
V. Summary

I. Intro - Be Careful What You Wish For

"Remember John Belushi? Who here loved John Belushi? Think about it: he was a crazy mofo! He had these great goals: he wanted to be this big star and make the whole world laugh, which he did. Then he said, "I want to be a movie star!," which he did. Then he said, "I want to make music that's outrageous!," which he did. He wanted millions of people to love him, which he did. He wanted to make more money than he could spend, which he did. He wanted a great life, which he got... but he killed himself... Now, was he successful? Yes or no? NO! He's dead! That's called failure! Now, don't get me wrong: he was a beautiful man, but the problem is he made everyone happy but who? Himself! Because if you talk to people who knew him, he didn't feel like he was growing, he didn't feel like he was alive, he just felt like he was doing the same "stuff" over and over again. That's not going to make us happy. What will make us happy is progress."
    -Anthony Robbins

If you looked up celebrities who either committed suicide or died of a drug overdose, I bet you could list at least 20 celebs. Many of us older peeps remember comedian Dave Chappelle's rise to fame and disillusionment as fans kept repeating back the lines from his show, even when he was out on a family vacation. There's also the many celebs who start with humble beginnings and buckle under stress, or those who begin nice and get so power-hungry that they stomp on everyone in their way.

At the same time, there are also nice celebrities who stay nice, happy celebrities who stay happy, and successful celebrities that don't buckle under stress. The fame doesn't really make you happy one way or another: you make yourself happy.

I never anticipated just how much of an impact I would have on the Walfas community: this was just a fun hobby for me, and now I have a sizeable fanbase. At the same time, I also have a bunch of people who wish to take me down, telling others, "Spaztique can get away with anything he wants because he has star power! Criticize him, and he'll destroy you!," or, "Spaztique's a pretentious prick who thinks he's right about everything. His head is so far up his ass, he's in danger of choking on his own head!" I know I can be wrong, and others have openly criticized my work with no repercussions (in fact, I'm thankful for my bad reviews), but this is a negative side-effect of fame: those who feel bad about themselves believe the only way to build themselves up is to tear others down: especially those they think are "better than them." One guy even went as far as successfully destroying all of my first friendships, one-by-one, convincing them they only liked me because of "star power", even the ones that knew me before I did anything, all because he wanted people to feel as bad as he did and "put me in my place." If you gain a degree of fame, some people will want to take you down, no matter how ridiculous the reason.

Another negative side-effect is that the people you influence will begin to think that fame is the only claim to happiness. In the Walfas community, I hear from a bunch of people who feel under-appreciated, and I ask them to make more friends within the community. They tell me they don't want to do that: their plan is to simply be the best comic maker in the community, or perhaps the best video maker. But this only makes you a good comic/video maker, not a good people person! Worse, you may end up in the previous problem where somebody wants to take you down and "put you in your place." Even worse, by creating a culture that shuns having status, you set yourself up to be hated if you gain any status yourself.

Do you still think being "famous" is your claim to happiness?

This guide is about the lie of star power: why being famous won't make you happy, popular, or appreciated. It's also about how to really gain appreciation, happiness, and real popularity instead of shallow fan friendships. If you pay attention and understanding why being famous isn't necessary for happiness, you'll stop believing in "Star Power" and realize it is only a myth. You'll also realize that anyone who really does gain a degree of status has higher people skills than technical skills.

II. Why Being Famous Won't Help (And Might Hurt)

Why do you want to be famous? Why do you want popularity?

Below are a list of reasons why Star Power just doesn't work...

Reason #1: I want everyone to like me!
Reasoning: If I'm famous, people will like me because of what I did! Since I have everyone's approval, I don't have to worry about being hated ever again!
The Truth: First of all, not everyone is going to like you: as I said in the opening, some people will hate you for your success and make it their life goal to destroy you (just ask John Lennon or Abraham Lincoln). Plus, people will only like you for your work, not for you as a person. If your personality is nasty, people may even stop enjoying your work once they realize how much of a jerk you are in real life. Even if you're a nice person, the relationships you have with your fans will be shallow: all they know is that you made the thing you made or did the thing you did, and once you're done talking about that, you're left empty with nothing else to talk about or do.

Reason #1 is probably the most common reason people want to ride on Star Power. This was my reasoning back in the Garry's Mod days. Unfortunately (and fortunately since I learned my lesson), all of my friendships were shallow, and one of the mods wanted to get rid of me since all I cared about was making the biggest and best projects, going as far as banning me against many of the members' consents (to the point where they ended up making separate sites to give me shelter, but I refused them all since I didn't want to perpetuate the conflict). In the Walfas community, I have actual close friends that I talk to on a personal level, I have shallow fans who only know my works, and I know people who spread rumors about me to ruin my reputation (or because they believe said rumors and think they're doing the right thing). Not only won't everyone like you if you become famous, there will be an increasingly larger amount of people who will hate you for your work.

You will not gain universal acceptance just because you're high in technical skill. We're going to nail this over and over throughout this guide, but people skills trumps technical skills. Somebody without any skill can still be accepted if they're friendly, kind, and helpful in other ways, but somebody with tons of skills and is unfriendly, disagreeable, and loves stomping on others will find themselves on their way out for the behavior. They might protest, "But I have great technical skills! I'm the best at what I do!" Yes, but they were also unfriendly and loved shoving people's failures in their faces. Even if the person is highly technical, but shy, nobody will be able to get close to them because they refuse to talk to others: they shut people out due to their social fears. At most, people will admire your work, but they won't admire you as a person.

Of course, there are people with both technical and people skills (this is the ideal everyone should strive for), and there are people with neither people or technical skills (these are often the hurting self-righteous individuals who pour all of their time into taking down those who do have legit skills). If you have to choose between being good at something or loving people, love people first, and don't expect them to like you because of your skills. Plus, as you'll learn later, this is a vital skill: the more status you gain, the more people will try to "prove" you're a horrible, dishonest person to take you down, and your only defense is to be such a paragon of goodness and honesty that nobody can lie about you. (And no, you cannot "pretend" to be a good person, because you will get found out eventually: good people stay good no matter what, while not-so-good people only do good when it's convenient or to cover their tracks, only to crack/explode when they're found out.)


Reason #2: I will be happy!
Reasoning: If I'm famous, it means I'm successful and that I've "made it!" It means I've done something with my life and I'll never be sad again!
The Truth: Goals are never about the goal themselves, but the journey that grows you. Whether the goal is fame, getting a girlfriend/boyfriend, making a million dollars, or climbing Mount Everest, the goal will come and go, but life will go on. What really matters is if you grew during your journey. To become famous, you have to learn social skills, leadership skills, skills related to the field you want to be famous for, and more. The other goals require similar skills, plus other forms of training and persistence. If all you focus on is the goal, what if you achieve the goal and only think, "Is this all there is?" This often leads to a worse depression than when you were missing the thing you were going for: you finally achieved it, and it still didn't make you happy. I call this "Condition-Based Depression": you have a condition you think will stop your depression, you achieve the condition, it doesn't work, and now you feel worse than before.

There's a whole section later in this guide devoted to this idea that fame won't make you happy, but for now, know that achieving a goal of fame will not make you happy in itself. Only you can make yourself happy. You don't have to be famous to be happy: just getting out of bed and knowing you can do pretty much anything you want to grow should be a good enough reason to be happy. You might fool yourself into thinking, "But I need to be famous to grow!," but how do you think no-name nobodies grow to be famous without fame in the first place? One insane paradox people spread about famous people is, "They're famous because they're popular, and they're popular because they're famous," utterly ignore their rise to power. Anyone with success or status has a long, hard struggle that you don't know about since you're not them: all you know are the results. If you think having status will make you happy, you're ignoring the blood, sweat, and tears that makes success happen: you will face problems and you will have to struggle.

Even if you do eventually reach your goal of fame, then what will you do? I commonly ask this for any goal: imagine it's the day after you became famous (or any goal), and what's the first thing you'll do differently? If your answer boils down to, "I won't do anything differently, but I'll be happy!," then it's a not a goal worth pursuing. One person said, "I'd appreciate all of the people who do like my stuff and keep making more stuff!" But if you're a content maker, you can do that at any time! Therefore, that reasoning boils down to, "I won't do anything different, but I'll be happy!" This is a recipe for Condition-Based Depression: you think that once you fulfill the condition, i.e. being famous, you'll automatically somehow flip an "on" switch for your happiness, but your brain doesn't work that way. You must persistently make yourself happy on your own. (More info on this later.)


Reason #3: People will listen to me!
Reasoning: If I'm famous, I get to stand on a soapbox and talk about my ideas! Since I'm famous, I have credibility as a famous person to talk about the things I want to talk about! I'll be noticed by people for my work!
The Truth: You can talk about anything regardless whether or not you're famous. In fact, your claim to fame could be writing things! Celebrities that merely use their celebrity status as a chance to talk about public issues are seen as pretentious, uppity, and know-it-alls (this is what ended the career of Fiona Apple). Worse, if you really do want to talk about things as a concerned citizen, you'll be discredited as "a celebrity who uses their fame to stand on a soapbox." (This is why Bono of U2 is the butt of many jokes.) Don't think people will listen to you more if you gain fame: they will listen less.

I know some of you out there are going to call out the irony of me writing a guide on Star Power, but this is just what I warned about: I'm just a concerned person who wants to address this issue not because I have fame, but because this is an issue to affects other people. I don't have to have fame to talk about it. One person has told me, "But you're a content creator! You should just stick to cartoons and keep your ideas to yourself!" Except I identify more as a tutor than a content creator: what I enjoy more than actually making comic/cartoons is helping others make comics and cartoons, as well as share strategies that have helped my life with others. Even as a Touhou fan, I can barely talk about my ideas without people taking them apart. If your average fan gave a wild theory and tried to pass it off as fact, people would think it was neat without a second thought, but if I gave a conservative view on one canon element and warned everyone, "That's just what I think, but even I'm not entirely sure," I am likely to receive rants of, "Spaztique is trying to push his opinions on others! You're not Zun, you know!" Sadly, even if you have good ideas, more people will become skeptical of what you have to say if you have any degree of fame. They are worried that if people blindly follow your advice/ideas and the advice/ideas doesn't work, it could lead to widescale disaster.

And you know what's scary? They're right! That's the next negative side-effect of this reason: some people will blindly follow your advice/ideas, even if you're wrong, even if they don't understand it, even if it doesn't work! And they'll blame you if they don't use it correctly! I put a disclaimer at the opening of all of my guides that merely reading this guides will not improve your life: you have to practice the information in these guides. Now, I do get people who follow the guides and personally thank me for changing their lives for the better, and these moments warm my heart, knowing that I just brightened somebody's future. Yet, most of the time, one of two things will happen. First, people get utterly terrified they're "doing things wrong," even if it's a subject where there's more than one way to do things. For example, I write tons of guides on storytelling. Storytelling is a non-linear activity, and that means there's more than one method to tell a great story. I write guides on how I view stories, which are all based on advice that works from other guides about stories. Rather than adding my methods to their toolkit, they throw out all of their other tools and take what I say as gospel, and I have to remind them, "My methods are just one method. One method." In fact, look at the comments to this guide: look at all of the people who are going to leave comments asking if they "did something wrong." Second, you will get people who followed the advice verbatim, but didn't take into account context or specific life situations: my life is not their lives, so not everything applies to them. Then, they do something that violates common sense, and blame me for something they did. Again, look at the comments: look at the people complaining, despite the obvious answers appearing in this guide (or that I could add later: the beauty of the SDW series is I can add things at any time).

You may feel a sense of entitlement if you have accomplished a lot, but no matter what status you are, you're never entitled to anything. If you think you're "privileged" enough to shout, "Do you know who I am?!," I think the appropriate response is, "Yes. You're a normal person like the rest of us, and you will be treated just as fairly as the rest of us." It doesn't matter what you made, what you did, or your past results: these do not give you an excuse to take away the rights of everyone else. I'm not talking about "ignoring the authorities," because authorities enforce rules to keep society from descending into crime and violence, but even authorities have their limits: they enforce the rules, and that's it. Just as we hate people who use "Star Power" to take the rights of others, we also hate authorities who think they're "above the law." Nobody is above basic human rights, and nobody is above the law: all power is to be gained humanely and morally, and all power is to be used to make the world a better place for everyone, not merely yourself.


Reason #4: I have to compete against everyone else!
Reasoning: I have to compete for attention! Everyone else is doing so much better than me, and the only reason people like them is because they have more Star Power than me! They are my rivals and I must do better than them!
The Truth: Nobody likes the bitter famous person. As said before, people may like your works, but once they find out how cynical you are as a person, they'll begin avoiding your works. Ironically, you'll actually learn and achieve more by seeing those of higher skill and prestige than you as teachers and allies. As the old proverb goes, "Jealousy is the best way to make sure you never become as successful as the person you're jealous of." After all, if you hate somebody, you avoid doing the things they do, and if they're a successful person, you will avoid doing the very things that made them successful.

I love the quote that says, "Every man is my superior in that I learn from him." I hate it whenever people say I'm "the best" at what I do, because I'm not. The best compared to what? I just do what everyone who does better than me does. An irony I keep seeing is that those who strive to be "the best" are merely "good enough," and those who strive to just be "good enough" often end up as "the best." Worse, those who strive to be "the best" are often stressed out: they always have to "compete" with everyone else, work harder than everyone else, and they get disappointed over and over again when their works, no matter how great, don't earn them the friendships or approval they think they deserve. At the same time, those who only pursue a hobby for fun don't feel as stressed, socializing with others instead of seeing them as "competition," and as a result, not only are they at the top of their fields, but they also have tons of friendships within the field. In the end, these hobbyists put in the least amount of effort and reap the biggest payoffs with little-to-no stress, while those who strive to be "the best" put in disproportionately more effort than the feedback they get back, and it's no wonder why they feel unappreciated!

A lot of success depends on networking. This is an ugly truth, I know, but it is far more rewarding to work with others than to compete with them. A lot of people dislike Adam Sandler's latest movies, and many wonder how he's able to get so many cameos in his sub-par films, but many celebrities cite Adam Sandler as one of the nicest guys in Hollywood, and the movies he makes are really just excuses for him and his friends to hang out. There are also tons of celebrities out there who have amazing roles, but you rarely ever seen them in subsequent movies for their terrible on-set behavior: that's because despite their skill, they're difficult as people. Even if you know how good you are at something, nobody else will know unless you can communicate it, and you can't communicate with people you see as "the enemy" or "competition." People skill always trumps technical skill: this is an ugly truth, but once people know how good you are as a person, then they will care for what you can do in your field. (This is vital advice for those looking for jobs: you ability to work with people far outweighs your technical abilities.)


There are likely more reasons people want "Star Power," but I guarantee you that each reason is shallow, selfish, and ignores that people skills are far more important. I dare you to give me another reason why you think relying on "Star Power" is a good idea, and I'll immediately add a reason why it won't work in the end.

III. Why Friendship is More Important

A classic psychological question: would you rather have 100 shallow friends who you barely know, or 10 close friends you know intimately? With the internet and how much we can meet, we can expand that: 1000 shallow friends, or 100 close friends? Those who want to rely on Star Power will only get to know 1000 shallow people: once the appeal of your claim to fame wears off, so does the shallow friendship (or if you wanted power, the power will also wear off). You will only be allowed to talk about your work, and when it comes to other stuff, you will come up short. Once your novelty wears off, you're no longer famous: you're a has-been, and your friends will all dry up. This is why nobody refers to me as "Spaztique the Garry's Mod Comic Maker" anymore: I relied entirely on Star Power back in those days, and look where that got me. I'm not even a hasbeen in Garry's Mod: I'm Ozymandias's statue that proclaims, "Look on my mighty works and despair," only for most newcomer Gmodders to find a pile of dust behind me.

But if I were to quit making Walfas stuff tomorrow, I will still have hundreds of friends across the Touhou Project community, I will continue being a Touhou project fan, and I will continue to make more friends. I will still have scores of people who made stuff thanks to my personal tutoring and emotional support. My personal influence as a friend will have much longer rippling affects than any of the comics or videos I have ever made. Years from now, after I'm long-retired from Walfas, it's not likely people are going to praise me for my videos or my comics: like my Garry's Mod stuff, that too will eventually be forgotten by the general public. Instead, we'll have memories: nights of games and goofy conversations, collaborating on projects together over jokes and great music, pulling eachother out of the dark times, celebrating our successes, and no video or comic could ever match the joy of those beautiful moments. In the end, you and the people you know won't value the things you did as much as you'll value the moments you had together.

So, let's go over why friendship will always beat fame every time.

Friendship is what gets you famous in the first place! You stop being friendly, you stop being famous!

I remember a time when EgoRaptor was just another member of Newgrounds who made neat cartoons, and people mainly liked his stuff through word of mouth. Raocow began the same way: a Let's Player who attracted fans on Something Awful and then later other parts of the internet (and even video Let's Plays began because of Slowbeef's novel idea of recording video footage, adding commentary over them, and showing them to his friends). Does anyone remember a time when PewDiePie, now currently the most subscribed video maker on YouTube, was merely just a prominent player of Amnesia mods within the Amnesia community? All of these people merely began by just making videos with their friends.

There's a common fear in our culture where that if somebody sells out or becomes famous, they stop being friends and only focus on their shallow fans, but what do we really think about the people who shun their friends for fame? We hate them! In fact, this is why it's so easy to turn people against their friends who start growing: all somebody has to do is convince somebody, "You don't really like them because they're your 'friend,' because they're not your friend: he/she's famous, and you're just a star-studded fan." Even if there was a deep bond of friendship and a long history, if that friend is convinced, they will renounce the friendship, no matter how hard the other person tries to make amends. This goes back to the myth that if you become famous, everyone will like you: not only will not everyone like you, but some people will do everything they can to make sure people don't like you, even if it's your close friends.

There is one remedy and counter to this: the higher the status you gain, the harder you must work to maintain and grow your friendships. This will become increasingly difficult, since the larger your reach, the more people you'll meet, and the more those who want to take you down will try to destroy your relationships (and those who have been trying to destroy them will try harder).

Another principle to remember: the higher the status you gain, the more strangers will be afraid of you. You may think gaining friendships will be easier once you're more famous, but most people (think they) can no longer relate to you since you have these big accomplishments and they don't. Worse, they may see you being friendly as you taking advantage of them. The more fame you gain, the more humility you must show towards others. It's said that bragging is rude, even if you have normal or low status, and that you should avoid it. If you have high status, rarely bring up your accomplishments unless people ask about them. If you have high status, treat others with the same respect people would treat you and stay humble: give others the first seat/snack/pick, ask others for their ideas first, praise others before yourself, and whatever you do, give people the same praise and appreciation (if not more than) they would give you.

Accomplishments tell people what you did. Relationships tell people who you are.

I'm a writer. I'm a comic maker. I'm an uncle. I'm a free life coach. I'm an animator.

These are all things.

Regardless whether I'm a good writer or a bad writer, what my comics are about, my relationship to my niece, the quality of my coaching, or if my animations are entertaining or not, none of these tell you who I am as a person.

Ever seen the Kevin Smith film Dogma? The protagonist is played by Linda Fiorentino, who does a wonderful acting job with the character. She also starred in Men In Black and The Last Seduction, but not a whole lot of other film roles. Why not? I mean, she's really talented, isn't she? Yes, but then Kevin Smith spilled the beans on how notoriously difficult Linda was to work with. After Dogma, Linda got three more acting roles, and was then virtually unemployed for a number of years. I've mentioned before that an ugly truth of life is that people skills trump technical skills, and thanks to her lack of people skills, Linda's acting skills went unused.

And yet, if you remember my example about Adam Sandler earlier, he's still making films because he has people skills. They're bad films, yes, but Sandler has a reputation as the nicest guy in Hollywood: I'd say Hollywood is just returning the favor by giving him money to goof around with his friends and give actors/crews easy jobs. If you had the choice between spending a day with one of the most underrated actresses of Hollywood who had a serious mean streak, or a terrible comedy writer that felt like the brother you wish you had, there isn't even a choice: you'd want Sandler as a friend. Hell, you'd probably put up with him as a writing partner better than pairing yourself up with the best writer with the worst temper.

This does not mean there aren't any bad writers with bad tempers (I've met many of those) and good comedians with good tempers (Jim Carrey is cited as an example). There are. However, nobody knows your personality based on what you do. It might give a hint, but you can never truly get to know a person until you really get to know the person. Even just a passing conversation only gives you surface details: in order to really know a person, you have to dive into their opinions, their beliefs, their ideals, and even their inner self if they're open enough. There are some things we don't even know about our close friends, so why would anyone think having a great accomplishment will make people "know" who they are? The truth is it won't.

Fans like your work, not necessarily you. You'll only like your fans as long as they're around. Friends are for life.

Would you believe there are people who spam audio clips of my videos, religiously use the word "thinf", and use my characters, and utterly hate my guts? Perhaps they want people to get sick of my videos/quotes/characters, but the fact still stands that some people can enjoy somebody's work without liking them.

As mentioned in the last part, just because people know your works doesn't mean they know you. At the same time, people can still like your works, but not necessarily like you as a person. You can write the greatest story, tell the greatest joke, do the greatest thing, but they won't care one bit about what school you went to, what you ate for breakfast, or if you'd like to play some video games later. If you depend entirely on your works for attention, you become no more than a dancing monkey. This is what Pick-Up Artists warn their trainees: if you try to pick up women by merely performing tricks, women will appreciate the tricks, but they won't see you as attractive. Don't be a dancing monkey: be a human and connect with people.

Being a "dancing monkey" violates the #1 rule of people skills: don't be interesting, be interested. You will gain more friends showing genuine interest in other people than forcing others to be interested in you. The beauty behind this is it's effortless: you don't need to have an interesting life or tons of talent to merely go around and find the cool parts of other peoples' lives. You don't have to spin elaborate conversations or be charismatic, but rather you just listen to other people and ask about the things that interest you (or could interest you). Unfortunately, so many people get stuck in the "LOVE ME!!!," mindset, which is often what leads to the myth that fame will make you more likable. So, these people feign interest so people will be interested in them, often disengaging from conversations that no longer interest them, but otherwise trying to "show off" or "be funny" at all times. You can tell somebody feels lonely or starved for attention if they joke about everything, even at inappropriate times, because they think they need to be interesting to be liked. The good news is being liked is easier than you think: love other people, and you'll get a bigger return on your investment than trying to make people like you.

Let's say you're a really good dancing monkey and you actually do attract crowds of fans. Do you really want tons of people who won't want to get to know you on a personal level because they like your work more, and who are too scared to let you get to know them on a personal level in fear of being taken advantage of? Remember: the higher the status you have, the harder it will be to maintain several friendships and the harder it will be for strangers to trust you. This will require more people skills, and the higher technical skills you have and the more you accomplish, the more difficult it will be to make friends with new people. While it may seem easy to make friends of fans early on, it gets more and more difficult as your status increases.

Another problem with being a dancing monkey is novelty: if you rely entirely on your works for people to like you (or, in reality, your works), you will have the pressure of constantly topping your last act over and over again. If you do something great, and everyone loves it, what do they say? "Keep up the great work!" And what do you do? You do a similar feat, and if it's better than the first one, you still get the usual praise. If you do worse, they say, "It's not as good as last time!" If you do something different, they say, "But we liked the last thing you did!" And the more times you succeed, the harder it will be to do something different, and the more times you fail, the more likely you'll lose your fans for good. If you depend on constantly topping yourself in terms of accomplishments so people will like you, you'll find yourself facing unneeded stress as you constantly exert energy to keep your fans around.

Just as fans can like your work without liking you, friends can like you without liking your work. I'm pretty sure this is how Adam Sandler's friends feel. I bet you even know plenty of people who are bad writers, bad storytellers, bad at whatever they do, but still put a smile on your face and brighten your day. Perfectionists often worry that skill means their worth, but these people with no skill and tons of warmth and love for others show that how well you can show gratitude and kindness for others is far more important. This is why people skills trump technical skills: somebody's technical skills only go so far, but love for others benefits all. Anybody can lift somebody else's spirits, but very few do. Everyone else wants to learn their crafts, but they only benefits our occupations and hobbies. Again, would you rather have a hundred people who like your work and don't care about you that much, or a few small friends who hate your work, but love you?

I may get disappointed when somebody doesn't like my Walfas stuff and yet likes me as a friend, but I'd take that any day to somebody who loves everything I did and hates me personally.

"Star Power" is not leadership. Motivating people towards a goal is.

This one applies to anyone in a leadership position (being on a team counts: team members always take turns leading and following) or wishes to be in a leadership position.

As of writing, there's an interesting paradox in the Walfas Station Wagon, a group I help run if you're coming to this guide from elsewhere. I am one of the most active admins in the group: I personally help our members with writing, social problems, emotional problems, and beyond, and I do this night-after-night. I've addressed more community issues than any other admin in the group, I've been open about what's going on in the group, I've trained more people and settled more disputes than anyone else, and as a result, I'm one of the most trusted admins in the group. But here's the paradox: all of my naysayers tell me and others that the only reason these people (that I've helped personally) listen to me is because I have "star power": that if I had not made my cartoons, they wouldn't listen. But here's the kicker: many of the people who tell me this do have great Walfas animations/comics of their own, and they try (and fail) to get people to listen to them based on this same false belief. Plus, after the fallout of the old administration, virtually all the new admins don't have any major works, and yet people listen to them: they followed all of the principles I used to get the group to listen!

Earlier, I said that if you have any degree of fame, people will question your motives for spouting out ideas or doing things, and they have a right to that concern because sometimes you'll be wrong and others will listen to your wrong ideas. I also said that as you gain status, you must be truly be a good person or face the consequences: everyone will try to prove you're a bad person, and the only way to resolve that is to do good, no matter what (bad people will crack the moment they're found out). This leads me to this great point: you will gain more power as a leader ethically doing great things for people than any sort of petty personal "accomplishment". I say ethically because it is possible to attain power doing horrible things to make people "feel good", like dealing drugs, pimping, or starting a cult, but all of these make the world a worse place since nobody's really benefiting but you, and you won't be remembered as a good person if you choose to leech off of people to make yourself feel better.

Denis Leary wanted to do a gag about Oprah for his book Why We Suck. Oprah felt like a prime target for how many women loved her daytime TV show, and now Oprah has her own channel. The whole of Why We Suck addresses everything that America does wrong, and one of the big ones is celebrity worship. So, when Denis did his research on Oprah, something shocking happened: he couldn't find anything to make fun of except the fact that Oprah addresses so many issues that even men should pay attention to. Oprah covered things like the best toolkits, sports trivia, tons about sex, things that nobody would have ever suspected Oprah of. He concludes that you can't beat Oprah: anything you have to make fun of her about, she's already done that to herself and better than anyone could. What's rather interesting is that earlier in the book, he constantly makes fun of Dr. Phil, citing his lack of true credentials, saying the only reason Phil is still around is because Oprah pushed him so often. This was written back in 2009, and as of the early 2010s, Dr. Phil's popularity has been waning. The lesson? The "O" is not based on "star power." Oprah got to where she is because she's addressed everything to everyone.

How many people know Paul Newman? Many people today know Paul Newman for "Newman's Own" dressings, to which all profits go to various children's charities, forgetting that Paul Newman was an actor. I think that's beautiful: here's the leading man from Cool Hand Luke and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, and he's being remembered for his work helping the world at large. Say what you will about PewDiePie, but one of his biggest redeeming qualities is that he raises money for non-profits and charities, including one big project to raise money for clean water for those who couldn't get it. Even going back to the industrialists of the early 20th century, many of their names are remembered for the libraries, concert halls, and hospitals they've given to the general public than what they actually did. Without looking at Wikipedia, tell me: what did Andrew Carnegie exactly do for his money? But can you tell me what he did with the absurd amount of profits he got? The same can apply to John D. Rockefeller. Their jobs have been forgotten by modern audiences, but their kind acts of donating to the public good will live on forever.

In contrast, we have people like Fiona Apple, who used her 1997 MTV Award acceptance speech to try to motivate people without really doing anything but make music (and that's why you younger readers might not even remember her). We have people like Kanye West who thinks he can break the scripts of a Hurricane charity drive or an up-and-coming artist's award speech to spout his ideas of how the world works, all because he made some critically-acclaimed music. The people who use "star power" to voice their opinions or "lead" others give the people who really do want to make the world a better place a bad name, because these people make us correlate "having status = having bad ideas and forcing them via fame." If you wish to lead, you better have more than some piece of work to back up why people should follow you to your goal. To make things more difficult, the more status you have, the more people skills and proof that you're not just talking out of your ass you will need to motivate people towards your goal. The make things even more difficult, since there are some who will do everything they can to take you down and prove people only like you because of your fame, you better be able to constantly prove you're not just leading people with "star power," but because you genuinely care for them.

But Wait: If I just make a bunch of friends, isn't that just popularity?

In closing, I offer one last distinction...

"So what are you saying, Spaztique?," you might be asking by this point, "That rather than become famous through my works, I should just become socially popular? Isn't that just fame? What's the difference?" Unfortunately, social popularity can be seen as a feat in itself: one that can scare others away if you're too good at it, just like any other skill. What I'm suggesting is that you stop focusing on thinking fame will make you liked by others and focus on developing closer, intimate relationships on a personal non-skill-based level. You can make as many friends as you want: if you're shy, a few friends; if you're a social butterfly, a bunch of friends; and even if you are of high status, you should still want to connect with others personally.

What you think you want is fame and recognition. Nope. What you really want is love. Cheesy, I know, but it's true.

IV. Why Making Yourself Happy Is More Important Than Fame

How would you like to be loved by everyone for doing something you absolutely hated? You'd be adored by fans, but you'd have to do something you detested with every fiber of your being. If you've been reading along for far, the answer is obvious: you wouldn't. And yet there are actors who hate acting, writers who hate writing, musicians who dread every time they go on the road, comedians who hate telling the same lame jokes again and again, and they only do it for the limelight. They likely got into these professions with noble ambitions or dreams of being liked, loved, or maybe even powerful like Fiona Apple probably imagined. Then, they got the harsh reality: fame may give you a sense of accomplishment while it lasts, but you still don't have love or even happiness. They think having fame will give them Star Power, they become famous, and they realize Star Power is a myth, and then they develop Condition-Based Depression. They cry the old refrain of, "Is this all there is?," and either retire to a life of being a hasbeen or hold on with the help of life-risking drugs and then retire to the life of being a hasbeen if they don't end up dead or in jail.

But of course, there are those who achieve tons and stay happy. There are also those have little and stay happy just by seeing the sun rise, or set, or when it's cloudy so it's not so sunny, or when it rains to cool things down. The fame does nothing either way but amplified what you feel inside. If you are benevolent and love to spread your love and other things around, you might use your power in the same way the early industrialists did in the late 1800s/early 1900s. Andrew Carnegie and John D. Rockefeller had more money than they could spend in their lifetimes, but what did they do with it? Blow it all on fancy mansions and fine wines? Not quite: they opened public libraries and hospitals. They got their significance and happiness not from all of their money, but by making a difference in the qualities of peoples' lives.

Maybe you do want to gain fame for altruistic reasons. Maybe you can handle the pressure of people trying to take you down for doing good things. However, there are more ways to make yourself happy than this...

Make the conditions for happiness easier.

I always say that happiness is solving your problems: if you can handle your problems, you have no reason to feel helpless. You are free to do as you wish: nothing's to stop you from exercising your personal freedom in an ethical way. If you do it in an unethical way, that just creates more problems: if you hurt somebody else, not only is that person now hurting because of you, but they will likely retaliate. In the end, it is always better to solve problems ethically.

That's my condition for happiness. What's yours?

Some people need to make a certain amount of money. Some of them need to be in a relationship. Some need to change the world. What are your rules for being happy?

Unfortunately, some people don't know what their "rules" are consciously, and they set up rules that may otherwise be very hard to fulfill and make it hard to feel happy. For example, if your rule for happiness is, "I must have 400 pageviews daily on my DA account!," I've got some bad news: this rule makes it very hard to feel happy.

Going back to one of my favorite guides, Awaken The Giant Within, Anthony Robbins writers three criteria for a bad life rule:

1. Difficult/Impossible to meet.
2. You have no control over the outcome.
3. There are many ways to feel bad and very few to feel good.

If you think you must become "famous" to feel happy, consider this: you will have to work harder than the average person to face all of the difficulties that I have previously described. Fame requires people skills, which is a non-linear skill because it depends on your interactions with others, and people are very finicky. Plus, you can't control the people who will begin showing resentment towards you. Lastly, there are many ways to become disappointed compared to your sense of accomplishment. If you think being "famous" is going to make you happy, you have to realize there are many conditions that will keep you from achieving that happiness.

If you're going to win the game, you're going to need more conditions to feel good than to feel bad. If Walfas/writing/any kind of art is your hobby, why not just feel good making cool stuff that you like? That's in your control, that's easy to accomplish, and you can do tons of things that make you feel good. You can set up any rule you like for any subject you like: for friendships, you can set it up so merely anyone who likes you back will make you feel appreciated. You can set up your workflow so that every time you feel uninspired, that means it's time to start brainstorming so you can feel inspired (think about it: one man's writer's block can become your tool for inspiration). Set up your rules so that no matter what happens, you're going to feel good, you're going to do good, and there will be very, very few things to stop you.

Fight Depression and WIN!

One of my dreams is to cure depression. It worked for me, but I want to spread it to the world. Unfortunately, some people seem to hold onto this myth that depression can be solved with pills or breathing exercises. Pills are like buffs in RPGs: they may boost the chemicals that make you feel happy, but if you have more conditions that make you feel bad, that's like using a defense buff on a Level 5 character who's fighting a Level 50 boss. For a long time, breathing exercises did not make sense to me: if somebody felt like they didn't have a future, breathing wouldn't change the fact they don't know what to do with their life. A while later, I learned breathing gets more blood to the brain and helps you focus your thoughts, but aren't there people who hyperventilate or take deep, panicked breaths and only focus more on what's wrong in their life?

The truth is, pills and breathing only account for a small portion of depression: the physical side of your body. If you eat too much or too little, sleep too much or too little, or just plain don't care of your body, it doesn't matter how well you can think because a bad physical state infects the mind. Ever been sick or had a really bad injury, and you couldn't think straight? Both the sickness and pain changed your brain's biochemistry, killing your "happy chemicals" (dopamine, serotonin, et. al) and causing you to make dumb decisions. However, how many of you toughed out school or work assignments through the pain and succeeded? I'm sure you can think of one example. The truth is that the physical side of depression is such a small, small portion that our minds can override it! This is why I cannot support anti-depressants: as long as somebody uses their mind in a way that works against them, it doesn't matter what drugs they take or physical exercises they do, because both are only a temporary solution.

There is only one sure-shot cure for depression: solving or coping with a problem.

Many problems can be solved: if you're alone, you can learn to get better with people. If you're emotionally unstable, learn to understand your emotions. If you believe you have no future, build one that excites you and tackle the first objective that needs to be fulfilled. Everything else is in the past, and just because you've suffered doesn't mean you should continue to suffer (especially if there's something you can do to recover). I've been in a car wreck, had my car impaled by a tree, bullied all throughout school, harassed by teachers, kicked out of several groups, lost tons of friends, had several real life friends die, got infected with some horrible diseases, attacked by various animals, but no matter what happens, I will plow ahead.

In addition, here are some more tips:

• Exercise and sleep. Get your blood flowing. The free method is to get as much sleep nightly (even with insomnia, just some refreshing sleep will do), and be sure you get out of bed. Train to get out of bed if you need to: look at army/marine training videos for reference. The free method is to walk around your neighborhood. If you have access to a gym, work out: building muscle and losing weight might help give you confidence if one of your rules depends on body image (but remember: you can train that rule out, too).
• Get into the habit of noticing the positive: Depression makes you focus on the negatives. Train your brain to notice the positives (or potential positives). Your brain will search for whatever it looks for. For example, for thirty seconds, look around the room for blue objects. Don't read the next sentence until you've done so. Now, close your eyes and think of every yellow object you saw. Chances are, you can remember the blue ones, but you can't remember the yellow ones. Look again for the yellow objects. Notice how they all pop out? This same filter applies to everything in life: if you want to look for the beauty in things, the funny in a comical situation, or really anything, use your power to focus.
• Know that all negative emotions are a call to action: The classic two-step method to conquering worry is this: know what's troubling you, then do something about it. If you don't know what's troubling you, ask what you'd have to believe to feel this way, and you'll likely get a few answers. Then, do something about it, even if the simple answer is, "Have faith."
• Log down what works and what needs improvement: You don't have to reinvent the wheel when others have done something you want to do. If you must, keep a journal of your emotions, events that trigger upsetting emotions and the thoughts linked to them (which you can disprove wrong, according to cognitive behavioral therapy), and develop strategies to conquering your worries. My entire Advice-A-Day series is both an advice blog and my personal journal of what works (for me, at least).

Killing the Myth of "Star Power."

Lastly, here are some things to consider if you think being appreciated by others is the end-all-be-all source of happiness.

• If you think being famous will get you love, know that there are tons of not-so-famous people in loving relationships. There are tons of normal people with tons of friendships. Know that there are famous people being used for the money and fame. Know that you have the ability to love anyone right now: show love to people who rarely receive it, if ever. The more genuine love you show to others, the more likely they'll show it back, regardless of your status.
  
• If you think being famous will make you powerful, there are normal people who have changed history. Rosa Parks, that guy who stood in front of that tank in China, the protestors in the Vietnam war, and beyond had no special power or privilege other than free will and bravery. Know that John F. Kennedy was assassinated, John Lennon was assassinated, and Jesus was betrayed and crucified. You have the power to stand for something, if you're brave enough: Gandhi was also assassinated, but he was an ordinary lawyer before he liberated India without the use of violence.
  
• If you think being famous makes you more important than others, know this: on a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone falls to zero. Everyone gets sick. Everyone has their good days and their bad. One of my favorite exercises by psychology writer Daniel Goleman goes like this: if you're wearing a cotton T-shirt, imagine the worker in the field who harvested the cotton. This person wants a happy life like you; they want love and appreciation like you; they can feel sad, just like you. Imagine the worker in the cotton mill you refines the cotton: that worker has been betrayed, comforted, and loves to laugh, just like you. Imagine the sewer who threads the cotton into a fabric, then the t-shirt designer, then the truck driver who ships the t-shirts, and then the shop worker who sold you the shirt. All of these people have lives, just like you. Think of a famous person, and they live the same life you do. If you become famous, you must never forget everyone else lives the same life.
• If you think you must compete against those with "Star Power," know this: those who are truly comfortable with power share it because they want more friends on their level (remember, the higher your status, the harder it is to make friends). Those who are uncomfortable with power and wish to "guard" their position keep their secrets to success to themselves in fear of "competition." If you believe you must "compete" against those with more status, you and your friends are likely to shun those who are successful, but what will happen when you become successful? That's right: your success-hating friends will shun you. If your belief is you must cooperate and mentor under those with more status, and this is the belief held by your friends, you're likely to mentor your friends when you become successful, and they'll mentor their friends, and they'll mentor their friends.

V. Summary

"I hope that everyone can become rich and famous, so they can find out it's not the answer."
-Jim Carrey

If we believe that being famous for something will make us liked or make people listen to us, we are wrong: they will only enjoy our work. We can't make everyone like us, and the more we do, the more people will want to take us down to "put us in our place." They believe that those with "Star Power" can get away with anything, and often try to attain the same "Star Power" to stomp on others (which never pans out, much to their surprise), but have they ever considered there's more to high-status people than their works? The truth is any person who "makes it" is just that: a person. They have the same ability to make choices we all have, and they made different choices that resulted in some kind of public success, but there's more to them than their success.

Anyone who believe in "star power" is eventually going to fall: those who thought they could attain love will find themselves lonely, surrounded by shallow fans. Those who thought they could attain power will find themselves struggling against normal people who haven't accomplished anything, but still have the same basic human rights. Those who see those will higher status as competition will burn themselves out from overwork and stress. Those who want to be listened to will be judged merely on the merit they have some kind of degree of fame. Once you achieve a certain level of status, you will have no choice but to embrace your humility: you have little room for mistakes, you must earn everyone's trust, your ideas must be rock-solid to be listened to, and you must treat everyone as your superior if you wish to stay where you are. Normal people have the leeway to make dumb moves, act selfish, spout stupid ideas, and even the shadiest people are given the benefit of the doubt: public figures do not have these luxuries. Once you reach a certain level of status, you must constantly prove who you are while proving who you are not, because the public eye will always be on you.

Happiness is in your reach. You don't need to be "the next big thing" to achieve it. Friendship is in your reach: show love to get love, and if you don't know how to love, learn how. You don't need fame to have friends or happiness, and if you're unprepared, it may make it harder.

In the end, Star Power doesn't work, but friendship does!
-Spaztique

Works Cited:
-Awaken The Giant Within by Anthony Robbins
-Cultivating Focus by Daniel Goleman